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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Finding the Happiness By Denise M. Brown I often wonder: Am I my own worst enemy? Sometimes, we develop habits that work against us; our own actions or attitude may be keeping happiness out of reach. Some suggestions to keep happiness closer: Keep yourself from doing it all: When you do it all, you rob others of the opportunity to grow as a result of caregiving; you rob your care recipient the opportunity to know independence and the success such independence breeds; and you rob yourself the opportunities to take time off and away from an exhausting role. Manage your expectations: Your only sibling consistently refuses to offer help, but you consistently ask him for help. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Let go of the idea that your sibling should help (maybe he should but he probably still won't) and start asking others--neighbors, friends, social service agencies, members of your house of worship. Give up on your sibling but don't give up in believing you will find the help you deserve. Understand your role: It's hard to see your care recipient unhappy and because you can "fix" (think of how much you've already fixed), you'll try to fix your care recipient's state of unhappiness. But making someone happy, especially someone who can't or won't be happy, is an exercise in frustration. As a family caregiver, your role is to ensure that your care recipient is safe and receiving the needed care, treatments and services. But, it's not your job to make your care recipient happy. Respect your reality: As a daughter, you may find providing personal care to your dad to be uncomfortable and upsetting. But, you do it anyway, but not well, resulting in your dad's red bottom. Or, you've always wanted to please your spouse; it was impossible in the past, but perhaps now, when you're needed to provide care, you can do it. Your gut often will show you the reality of your situation (that you need help with incontinence care, that martyrdom doesn't win love). Listen to your gut and then make decisions based on the reality of your situations. Redefine your idea of happiness: In your youth, happiness may have seemed to be a red car, a gorgeous date and a cold pack of beer. As you grew older, happiness became a caring spouse, healthy children, a secure job. As a family caregiver, your idea of happiness has been revised again. Take some time to revisit your definition of happiness. When are you happy? And, how can you increase those moments of happiness? A Caregiver's Good Little Helper |
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