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Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
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Caregiving |
Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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Channeling the changes Adjusting your care recipient to your changes By Denise M. Brown Annie lived with her mother, Alice, most of her adult life. She worked, held a responsible job at an accounting firm in the city. She meant to move out, but then her mother's diabetes and arthritis kicked in. Annie felt it best to stay put. So, for most of her adult life, Annie did as her mother said. It just seemed easier to go with the flow, rather than go against the grain. Her mother was a stubborn German: Who wants to go up against that? Annie didn't, until about six months. She had battled Alice's physician last year; he refused to consider prescribing a different medication for Alice's arthritis. Annie knew her mother needed different medication. Finally, after many phone calls, the doctor relented; Alice is much better able to manage the pain. Since then, Annie has found herself standing up to her mother: Insisting that a home health aide come on Saturday mornings so that she can run her errands and that the a companion come two evenings a week so that Annie has time for friends and other activities. Alice has acquiesced to this, but she makes sure Annie understands how disappointed she is in her. No good daughter would do this to her mother, she tells Annie. Annie leaves the room--but always to go to the bathroom to have a good cry. Caregiving gives you a backbone. You learn that the squeaky wheel gets the grease and that typically, you know what's best for you and your care recipient. It's hard to develop this backbone and not have it impact other relationships in your life. And, sometimes, the relationship it will impact the most is the one with your care recipient. Standing up for yourself is part of taking care of yourself. You hope that your care recipient will encourage you to have a life outside of caregiving, but often, it's not in your care recipient's nature to do so. After all, your life outside of caregiving, well, it's exclusive of them. Who wouldn't feel left behind? As you take steps to ensure you have activities and enjoyment outside of caregiving, be aware of your care recipient's guilt trip. As long as systems are in place to step in and provide care in your absence, guilt should not be an ingredient in your life outside of caregiving. You deserve a full life. You need a full life. Enjoy a full life! |
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