Caregiving Special Focus

Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years

The Help Arrived, But Left Too Early By Denise M. Brown, Publisher and Editor A neighbor offers to help. You gratefully accept. And, then, when the job doesn't get done, you wonder: What did I do wrong? You hear this all the time: If someone offers to help, accept it! So, you do. A neighbor offers to help. He works in the home care industry and has volunteered to install those grab bars in the bathroom. You’ve been meaning to do this ever since your care recipient’s arrival home from the hospital but there just never seems to be enough time, energy or money to get it done. So, your neighbor offers, tells he has what he needs to have the grab bars up on a Saturday. It won’t be any problem, he assures you, he’s happy to help. Well, now it’s the Thursday after the Saturday and the grab bars have been installed, well, sort of. They hang--dangle, really--in the bathtub, completely unusable. Your neighbor, it turns out, had never installed grab bars before. And, well, technically, he still hasn’t. You finally call the hardware store and hire a staff member from the store to install the bars. It costs more than you want to spend. But, you need the bars. And, you need a usable bathroom. Now it’s the following Saturday and you seem to be dangling: You can’t seem to shake your anger. Mostly, you’re mad at yourself. You ask your care recipient, “How could I have let this happen?” Although it may seem that you’ve made a mistake, you haven’t. You just didn’t put safeguards in place. And, that’s nothing more than a lesson learned. The next time a kind offer arrives, some tips to keep in mind: 1. It’s okay to ask about experience or skills when someone offers to complete a job that requires a certain amount of knowledge and talent. If it seems that the volunteer doesn’t have what’s needed to complete the job, then counter-offer: “I think this is a job for the Home Depot guy,” you might say. “But, I’d love for you to go to Home Depot and help me hire the right guy.” 2. While nitpicking isn’t necessary, it is necessary to have a job completed so that it functions and makes your life easier. If it isn’t and doesn’t, communicate what you’d like done differently. If your requests aren’t honored, ask if someone else could finish the work. If you can’t get a referral, look to other family members and friends for suggestions on who could complete the task. 3. Be gracious and grateful, even if the project wasn’t completed correctly. Tell yourself: You’re on your way to getting what you want. 4. Stay involved. It’s okay to ask for updates, as the project moves forward, as well as to ask how you can help. Be calm and direct in your communication and ready to negotiate when necessary. 5. Expect the best, but prepare for the worst. Always have a Plan B, C and D—just in case. You never know. 6. Finally, believe in your ability to resolve challenges and obstacles as they arise. You can! Index of Articles: Caring for a Step: Tips to Help Manage the Relationship Celebrating Your Caregiving Successes, Part I Celebrating Your Caregiving Successes, Part II The Help Arrived, But Left Too Early Time Out! Signs You Need a Vacation When To Use Home Care Tell a friend about this article:

Read Another Caregiving Special Focus Join A Support Group Ask Denise Speak Out! The Caregiving Years Three Issues of Caregiving: Free! Your Opinion Sign up to receive our free electronic newsletter, Spotlight on Caregiving.   Weekly Comforts for Caregivers, delivered to you via e-mail every Monday morning: Order Now!   Let's Get Coaching! For Family Caregivers: The Caregiving Journey is fraught with twists, turns and tumbles. Map Your Journey: Learn More... For Older Adults: Your life experiences are the greatest gifts you give future generations. Wrap Your Gifts: Learn More... Shop Our Online Store Caregiving make you feel lonely and hopeless. Our products and services, for family caregivers and professionals, speak to your heart--because caregiving is about your heart. Shop now...