Denise M. Brown
Photo Credit:
Michael Prischmann

May 11, 2008

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Stumped by an on-going struggle? Searching for meaning in your journey? You're not alone! Family caregivers ask Denise M. Brown, Professional Caregiving Coach and Editor and Publisher, Caregiving.com, for her insights and suggestions to their caregiving conundrums. Have a question for Denise? Just e-mail her. Denise will do her best to answer questions within 24 hours.

If you or your care recipient are in a crisis, we urge you to call a health care professional immediately for assistance. Denise only provides general insights about general situations. You should always consult your own lawyer, financial planner, health care professional and other professional advisors for advice specific to your situation.

Dear Denise,

Four years ago my husband and I moved in with his 80-year-old mum to help her with her day to day care. She had been on her own for 20 years since her husband died but felt she was struggling to manage. It was only ever supposed to be a temporary arrangement but once we moved in she became very reluctant to be on her own. So we continued to extend our stay with her and even took local jobs so that we could be close during the day if needed.

After she suffered her fourth stroke it became more difficult for everyone, his brothers were unable/unwilling to help and we could not afford to quit our jobs to look after her 24/7. She was uncomfortable with strangers around her in her own home which added to the difficulty of getting help so we found ourselves constantly taking time off work to be with her. Last year we discovered carers break vouchers and began to use them and this Feb we placed her in respite for a few weeks whilst we underwent IVF treatment.

Her stay has been continually extended due to deteriorating health issues and more permanent care is now being considered for her which should hopefully ensure her quality of life will be dramatically improved. Unfortunately it now potentially leaves us homeless as the Council wish to reclaim the home that both she and us have lived in for all this time. And, to add icing to the proverbial cake, we have discovered that I have suffered a miscarriage which I unreservedly believe has been brought about by the emotional effects of caring for a relative, a situation I would never have changed, and the council now taking advantage of us trying to improve her quality of life by destroying ours and rendering us homeless since we do not now qualify as priority need since I am no longer pregnant!!

I would advise anyone wishing to move in with relatives/parents to ensure that they have a legal right to stay should the worst happen.

Hi,

Oh, I'm so sorry for all you've been through.

I'm not sure where you live... In the US, our Medicaid program has a clause that provides for the family caregiver who lived with their care recipient. If you live in your care recipient's home and your care enabled your care recipient to remain at home, your care recipient can transfer his or her home to you. You must have resided in the home and provided care for at least two years prior to nursing home admission. A care recipient also can transfer a home to a sibling with equity interest in the home and who resided in the home for at least one year. Medicaid permits such a transfer, so your care recipient can qualify for Medicaid and you can receive the home. I always recommend seeking the advice of an elderlaw attorney before transferring any assets.

Legal aide, your local representative and other local social service agencies may be able to help you. You blessed others with your love; you will know blessings, too.

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